


Origins and Reasons

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Series: Drawings from Soulmates [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Marauders' Era, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Some kissing, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, christmas break and after, james and sirius guess what remus' secret is, not much, not sexual either, they're twelve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9688622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: Sirius and James begin to question where the bruises showing up on Sirius and Remus are coming from. Sirius hopes that he couldn't possibly be right about Remus being a werewolf.





	1. Just A Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone. I am super, super tired at the moment. I will come back in an edit the tags and notes tomorrow after a good night's sleep and dealing with school. Despite that, I hope you all like this new installment of my marauder's soulmates series.

By the time Christmas break came around their second year at Hogwarts, Sirius had already spent a lot of time wondering where the bruises and other wounds came from. Though he had known Remus was his soulmate since May, earlier that year, the other boy had never once given any hints of what was causing him harm. Of course, Sirius and James had their suspicions, but they hadn’t come up with anything really concrete.

It wasn’t until Sirius was passing a compartment of third years that he got an inkling of what could be going on.

“Wait, wait so…” a boy was saying. “When’s the next full moon?”

“I told you already! It’s Friday, December 31st!”

“And silver can or cannot actually kill a werewolf?”

There was an unimpressed silence for a moment. Then there came the exasperated, “No, silver can’t kill a werewolf. But powered silver mixed with dittany can heal the wounds from a werewolf attack and prevent death. Of course… then the victim becomes a werewolf…”

“Right.”

“Oh, remember this, because he didn’t say anything about it until the day you were out sick: the wolfsbane potion can make transformations easier by allowing the werewolf to keep their human mind so that they don’t attack the people around them or themselves. He said that’s definitely going to be on the test when we get back.”

“Why are we having a quiz immediately after Christmas break?”

“It’s not a quiz. It’s a test. But I dunno. So, tell me, how will someone with werewolfry act the first couple of days after a full moon?”

“Umm… sickly. They’ll seem tired and pale. You have to look for wounds that are often self inflicted.”

“Right. Er… True or false: werewolves can experience premature aging due to the difficult transformations?”

“True.”

“Good. True or false: werewolves are just as dangerous and deadly while in human form and do not target humans specifically?”

“Uhh… true?”

“No. Not all werewolves are dangerous while in human form. Some are, like Fenrir Greyback. Generally, though, they aren’t a threat any more than you or I am. The second part is also false. A werewolf will almost only target humans and pose no significant threat to any other creature. With no humans around, the werewolf will attack itself out of frustration.”

Sirius had to take a moment to stop and listen. He had heard third years quizzing each other on this werewolf stuff for almost a week now. None of this information was necessarily new to him. But for some reason he found himself comparing all these seemingly random facts to his soulmate who was currently waiting for him in a compartment with James and Peter. Sirius was staying with James, under the pretense of staying at school like his parents thought he was. Remus and Peter would be going back to their own families.

Just the week before, James had declared he wanted to try and spend Christmas with his mates at home. He had nearly pushed Remus and Peter up to the dorm, forcing them to write home and ask if they could stay at the Potters’ for break. After fifteen minutes of begging and pleading, Remus had all but exploded on James, nearly yelling that he couldn’t come over and that there was no point asking his parents. When questioned on it, Remus quieted suddenly and turned a cold shoulder to the other 12 year old.

James had all but ranted to Sirius about it later, unused to being on the receiving end of Remus’ irritation. Sirius, for his part, found himself sympathetic to both of them. He agreed with James, of course, and wanted to spend Christmas as the four of them, but on the other hand, there was some deep rooted sense of protectiveness for his soulmate. If Remus said no, Remus said no, and that was the end of it. But that wasn’t the type of answer your best mate wanted to hear, after all.

That couldn’t be the reason, could it? Remus wasn’t a… a werewolf, was he? He had never thought of that possibility before, nor did he keep close enough track of when the bruises and deep gashes would appear on him to know whether or not they corresponded with the full moon. Something deep down hoped that they didn’t. He hoped beyond hope that this was just some delusion he had concocted for himself.

He had to tell James about this idea of his. Sirius needed to hear the other boy tell him he was off his rocker and was becoming a nut case. Of course Remus couldn’t be a werewolf! Sweet little, quiet, kind of sarcastic, bookish, friendly Remus Lupin? No. No way!

Sirius tried to act natural and forget about the whole conversation he had overheard during the trainride. He joined in on the jokes and laughing and bought more sweets than was absolutely necessary, sharing the cakes and goodies with Remus and Peter and James.

“Remmy, you want the strawberry one?” Sirius asked. He was holding a simple little strawberry flavored cake out to the other boy. Remus shook his head, wrinkling his nose up as his tawny brunette curls bounced back and forth. He needed a haircut for sure.

“I don’t like strawberry.”

“What about chocolate?” Peter offered.

A bright expression grew across his face. He nodded. “It’s my favorite.”

Silently, Sirius filed that information away. Chocolate was Remus’ favorite. Favorite what? Flavor? Cake? Candy? Oh well, this was enough for now.

At the station, Peter rushed off immediately, yelling a hurried goodbye to his friends as he jumped towards his mother’s open arms. Remus stayed by Sirius’ side, one hand holding onto the taller black haired boy’s, fingers entwined together until he spotted his own mother and father. Only a bit too hurriedly, he dragged Sirius over towards the two adults, a big smile growing on his face.

“Mum! Dad!” He called to them excitedly. He wanted them to meet his new friend turned soulmate. Sirius hadn’t had a chance to meet them at the end of last school year as his parents had whisked him away rather quickly, giving him no chance to quietly slip away with his friend.

“Hey there kiddo!” Mr. Lupin greeted the two with just as much enthusiasm. Sirius suddenly imagined the man leaning down and scooping up the twelve year old and hugging him tight, which Sirius himself found a little strange. Sometimes it was hard to think that other people’s parents didn’t act the way that Sirius’ own did. Other parents smiled at their children and hugged them and kissed away bruises and tears instead of causing them.

“Mum, Dad, this is Sirius. He’s my soulmate!” Remus declared proudly. It was as if someone was introducing their best friend to their parents instead of the person they would spend the rest of their life with. Though, that was to be expected. Little to no romance took place between twelve year olds, and they rarely worried about how they would act or be expected to act when they were older.

“Hullo, Sirius. It’s nice to meet you,” Mrs. Lupin said, turning her own bright smile to Sirius. The boy noted that Remus had her smile and his father’s eyes and hair. He decided he liked this kind woman. She seemed a lot like his cousin Andromeda, one of the only people in his family who hadn’t ever put him down or hit him or anything.

“Hi, Mr and Mrs. Lupin.” Sirius didn’t mean to sound shy at all. It came naturally to show adults a high level of respect and make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible.

“We’ve heard a lot about you from Remus,” Mr. Lupin said conversationally.

Sirius blushed, glancing to his side to see how his soulmate had turned as red as a tomato.

“Sirius!” a voice called from behind them. Sirius turned to see James standing with his luggage and his parents, ready to leave.

“Sorry, later!” Sirius said. He squeezed Remus’ fingers affectionately and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on his cheek before running off to grab his own trunk. He could imagine how Remus would probably be red for hours afterwards. That was the biggest reason he ever kissed Remus’ cheek. Not because he was “supposed to” or because it was “romantic” or something, but because it was just too fun not to mess with his friend when given the opportunity.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. The four travelled back to Godric’s Hollow where James and his parents lived. There was snow on the ground, piling up towards halfway up Sirius’ calf. James dragged Sirius out into the back yard to play around in the fresh powder. It wasn’t good sticking snow though, so it wouldn’t stay together for snowballs or to make a snowman, but it was fun to throw handfuls of the bitter cold ice crystals at each other and push it around into snow angels.

Sirius loved every second of it. He never got to do this at home. Grimmauld Place was a hidden townhouse that was part of a quiet muggle neighborhood. The back garden wasn't big enough to play in and when they did go out during the winter, Sirius and Regulus were not permitted to roll around on the ground just to get covered in snow that would soak them and get their clothes all muddy and dirty.

Later, the two curled up together on the couch in front of the fireplace the way they did in Gryffindor tower. Well, when they got the chance anyway. The older students always got first dibs on the good couches and armchairs in the common room.

Mr. Potter wanted to know about everything that they were learning in school, specifically how James’ transfiguration and charm work was coming given that those were the boy’s areas of expertise. (Or would be later in life, if Sirius had to guess. Aside from Evans, James was the best in their year.) But he also asked about Sirius’ schoolwork too and gave a fond, yet exasperated sigh when Sirius told him he didn’t turn in a lot of his homework. Or at least on time, anyway.

Mrs. Potter on the other hand wanted to hear all about their friends. She loved to hear about how they messed with their teachers more than they should have, and asked to hear every story they had to tell. When James mentioned that Sirius and Remus were soulmates, she became very interested in that. She wanted to see some of the marks upon hearing how bad the bruises got sometimes. Sirius had shown her his arms, thankful that the bruises faded a week ago, and showed off some doodles he and Remus had done back in forth in potions the other day.

That evening, after dinner, Sirius and James had headed upstairs to go to bed. James had followed Sirius into the guest room where he would be staying during the break. Within two minutes they were settled on the bed, Sirius leaning against the wall and James with a pillow hugged to his chest as he sat on the opposite edge.

“So, I have another theory about the bruises.” Sirius started.

James perked up at that, ever curious about the soulmate markings and their hidden origins. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, but it’s a long shot to be sure…” Sirius defended.

“Shoot.” James shrugged noncommittally.

“He’s a werewolf.”

The room was strangely silent for a moment before James shook himself out of it. “A… a werewolf?”

Sirius nodded.

“Well, you weren’t wrong when you said it was a long shot.”

“I know, I know.” Sirius shook his head. “But some of what the third years have been saying fits, doesn’t it? He gets really sick and disappears about once a month, and not always on the same day, either. The bruises appear about the same time and could make it seem like he’s being attacked or something.”

James just stared at him silently, his eyebrows knitted together and a questioning, calculating look on his face.

“When’s the next full moon?”

“December 31st,” Sirius spouted off immediately. He tried not to think that he might have said that just a little too fast. “One of the boys on the train said so.”

James sighed. “Alright. So on New Year’s day, we’ll check you for bruises. And then next month we’ll start to keep a log of when you get the marks.”

Sirius nodded. He hoped again that he was wrong. He hoped that come January 1st, he wouldn’t be sporting any new blacks and blues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to mysid who told me a couple of things about townhouses so I could make a tiny little change :D


	2. Drawing Conclusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Sirius have a plan to figure out if Remus is a werewolf. They tell Peter, and shit goes downhill from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I cannot believe just how long it has been since I updated this series! I want to take this time to thank gavran for being so enthusiastic about this series. Like? Thank you???? You left a comment on every story in the series and I just saw them last night, and instead of responding, I went to sleep. Then woke up and decided my best course of action was to write another chapter. So, thank you so much for enjoying these stories and leaving such great comments!
> 
> Anyway, I wrote all of this in like... two and a half hours, which I'm not gonna lie, isn't all that long. I honestly expected for this chapter to be harder to write given that it has been so long since I focused on it. So, I hope you guys like this new chapter, and let me know what you think!

Sirius waited anxiously for Christmas to pass and counted down to New Year’s Eve. He didn’t say anything out loud to James, just to try and keep the peace. Of course, James was used to keeping a close eye on the people around him. He’d done it almost all his life just because that’s the kind of person he was.

So when it became December 30th, and Sirius was almost literally shaking so much he might just fall apart into a million pieces, James finally said something.

“Sirius, mate, really,” James said, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You have to calm down.”

“I can’t calm down!” Sirius nearly exclaimed.

James thanked all that was good and holy that his parents had left early in the morning to go pick up some of his relatives for New Year’s. His great aunt on his father’s side always joined them for the celebrations with her own family. The house wasn’t quite big enough to fit them all, but James was used to sharing space at this point in his life.

“Yes, you can,” James nearly sighed. He wanted to stay calm for his friend.

He knew why Sirius was so worked up, and he understood. Not from personal experience, of course, but he got why he was so freaked out about this. They were essentially implying that Remus Lupin, one of their best friends and Sirius’ soulmate, was a werewolf. And sure, maybe if Sirius did find himself with bruises on the morning of January 1st, it could just be a coincidence, but that was unlikely. They knew that the bruises came every month, and James knew that if asked about it, Sirius could probably spout off the dates when he got them every month. From there, it would be easy to go back and check to see if those dates corresponded to a full moon.

Besides that, James had noticed that Sirius always found the cuts and bruises the morning that Remus was in the hospital wing for the day. He would always disappear just after dinner and then they wouldn’t see him again until they visited during free period the next day. Unless, of course, it was a weekend. Then they would go and sit with the curly haired boy all day after breakfast, and take him with them for dinner.

So yes, there were signs pointing to the fact that Remus was a werewolf.

And honestly, James was not nearly as freaked out as he figured he should have been. But really, he couldn’t find it in him to really be scared of the kid. He was smaller than himself, only a centimeter taller than Sirius, but he was a twig of a thing. It was amazing that he could lift all the books he carried around to his classes! Besides, James just could not be scared of a boy who occasionally talks quieter than Peter and looked like he expected for them all to shun him at any moment and-

Oh.

Remus really did expect that.

Because, if they were right, and Remus really was a werewolf, then everything would make a lot more sense. It would make sense why Remus had told them he moved around a lot when he was a little kid. It would make a lot of sense why Remus had told them he didn’t have any friends until he came to Hogwarts. And it would especially make a lot of sense why Remus hadn’t said anything to them the first couple weeks of school in first year, even when James tried to get him to join in.

He expected to be found out.

And he expected to persecuted for it.

James looked back up at Sirius then, finally realizing how his eyes had drifted down and how Sirius had gone still, watching him.

“James?” Sirius asked.

“He expects to be found out, Sirius,” James offered. “There are very few other possibilities out there, you know that, right?”

Sirius nodded at him, a strange look on his face, like he didn’t quite know what James was getting at.

“Sirius, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” James said, launching himself from his bed and pacing his room. “If we’re right about this, and we probably are, then Remus has expected for us to figure it out from day one! And, he thinks we’re going to hate him for it!”

Sirius just stared at his friend, his silver eyes gone wide. James stopped and looked back at him. What was he thinking?

“What if he really is a werewolf?” Sirius whispered. “What do we do with that information?”

And sure, James knew they hadn’t thought about that either. It was one thing to just know this kind of thing, but it was another to know what to do with it. Should they go to Remus about it? Should they talk to a teacher? They teachers have to know, don’t they?

“Well…” James said slowly. He sat down on his bed again. “He is still our friend, regardless… Right?”

Sirius paused. And sure, maybe James shouldn’t read too much into it, but it made him either one of two things: slightly worried or slightly irritated. But at the moment, he couldn’t quite tell which one.

“Yes,” Sirius finally said determinedly. He sat up straighter and locked eyes with James. “Of course he is.”

James smiled. “Alright. So, assuming we’re right, what do we do when we get back to school? Should we tell Peter?”

Sirius thought for only a second before he answered, bringing a hand up to card through his shaggy black waves. James remembered suddenly that his mother had offered to trim Sirius’ hair for him. “We’ll send an owl to Peter once we’re sure. At school, we’ll talk him through whatever we decide, and then we’ll all bring it up to Remus.”

“When?”

“I don’t think we should wait too long. We may start to act weird, and he’ll suspect something. Besides, I don’t want him to think we hate him or anything like that so…”

“The first night back?” James suggested. “We’ll talk to Peter on the train and hope that Remus doesn’t notice or question it. Then later, after dinner, we can go back to the dorm and tell Remus we know.”

Sirius thought before nodding.

“Deal?”

“Deal.”

*

As it turned out, they had been right. Or, they figured they had more of a chance of being right.

James’ great aunt, great uncle, his second cousins, and other cousins (who he couldn’t quite figure out how he was related to) arrived a couple hours later with his parents. They all played around and had fun, celebrating the new year before it was even New Year’s Eve. Come the next evening, everything was hectic and frenzied. The adults were all gathered in the living room, laughing and talking and listening to the radio. James and Sirius had been left mostly to their own devices since the majority of his cousins either were adults or at least three years older than them. The teenagers who were fifteen and up had little to no interest in spending time with two twelve year olds. James found it a little odd. Just the year before, most of his cousins who were still minors actually enjoyed spending time with him.

He refused to believe it was because Sirius was here, and they knew all about the Black Family. He didn’t want to think that people in his family that he cared about could really be that ignorant to not even bother getting to know Sirius.

Sirius and James had passed out on his bed, nearly sprawled all over each other, just past midnight. James’ parents had come to get them and bring them down stairs for the count down, but once it was over, the two were trudging back upstairs and into the bedroom before crashing. James thought that he heard laughter over it, but refused to acknowledge it.

The next morning, James woke up to Sirius’ rather loud, slightly indignant groan.

He rolled over, away from the very edge of the mattress where he figured he was about to fall off. Next to him, Sirius was leaning into the wall and staring at his arms, pulling up his shirt to inspect his stomach. He was covered in black and blue, some rather angry looking slashes adorning his arms. James noticed one settled up the side of his neck, stopping on his cheek.

“Oh no,” James yawned, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

“I had hoped we were wrong…” Sirius sighed, letting his arms fall down, hands resting on top of the blanket on his legs.

James said nothing. What could he say? They had basically just confirmed that their best mate was a werewolf, and there was probably no adult that was safe to tell. The teachers had to know already, and James wasn’t sure exactly where his parents stood on the whole werewolf thing. But they knew exactly how Sirius’ parents would feel.

It was just another thing to add to the list of why Sirius’ parents could never find out about his soulmate.

*

Four days later, it was Friday and time to head back to King’s Cross to board the train and go back to school. Sirius and James had spent countless hours planning out what to say to Peter, who had sent back a rather confused and slightly frightened letter in regards to theirs, which told him in a few uncertain terms that Remus was probably a werewolf. Thinking back on it now, neither were so sure they should have done that, just in case the letters had been intercepted by someone else.

Nonetheless, they didn’t seem to have been tampered with, so they figured they were in the clear just this once, and would make sure not to do it again.

They found themselves showing up to the station significantly earlier than they needed to, hoping that Peter had done the same.

They loaded themselves into a compartment near the middle of the train and waited, staring out the window and scanning the sparse crowd for any sign of their friend. Finally, he arrived and hustled onto the train to find their compartment.

“Peter!” James and Sirius all but yelled as the little mousy haired kid tumbled in and shut the door behind him.

“We told you to be here early!” Sirius said.

Peter held up his hands in defense. “I know! But this was the earliest I could get here! I was with my Gramma for Christmas, and she would only bring me so early.”

Sirius huffed, nearly throwing himself back into his seat with his arms crossed.

“So, tell me,” Peter started. “Are you being serious about Remus being a werewolf?”

“SHH!” James scolded. “Keep your voice down! You don’t want everyone to hear, do you?”

Peter’s hands flew up to cover his mouth as he shook his head no.

“Yes,” Sirius said. “It’s the only conclusion that we’ve come to that really explains everything.”

Peter looked scared for a second. “You don’t think that if we tell him we know, he’ll hurt us, do you?”

James stuck out his hand quickly to grab Sirius by the arm before the shorter boy could stand. Sirius nearly growled, balling his hands into fists and glowering over at Peter.

“Don’t you say that! Don’t you ever say it!” Sirius yelled. James was sure it could be heard out in the hallway.

The other two jumped into action at the same time, James trying to calm Sirius and Peter suddenly apologizing profusely.

“He’s our friend, and you know he’d never hurt us!”

“I’m sorry!”

“Sirius-”

“I didn’t mean- I just-”

“He’s nice and caring!”

“I know, I was just-”

“He’s helped you with your Potions more times than anyone can count!”

“Sirius, come on-”

“How could you think a thing like that?!”

Suddenly the compartment door was opening. The three quieted immediately, turning to stare in shock over at Remus, who was standing there with his bag slung over his shoulder and a look on his face that none of them could quite read.

There was a heavy silence for just a moment where James and Sirius worried that Remus had heard what the fight was about. Then they were all realizing that no one had said anything yet, and Remus wasn’t moving to join them in the compartment either.

“H-hey, Remus!” Peter yelped. He plastered a grin on his face that was wobbly and easy to see through. If Sirius could groan and beat his head against something hard, he would have. God, Peter was a terrible liar. “H-how was y-your Christmas?”

Remus continued to say nothing. He just stood there and slowly stared at each other them in turn, one hand still braced on the compartment door.

“What’s going on?” he finally asked.

“Nothing!” James was quick to supply.

Remus gave him a rather unimpressed look, one McGonagall would proud of. “It’s not nothing if I walk up just to hear Sirius shouting at Peter, you trying to keep Sirius from killing Peter, and Peter apologizing like his life depended on it.”

The three suddenly looked rather guilty.

“What happened?”

The three looked between themselves for a second, each trying to figure out what to say.

When they looked back at Remus, something seemed to have switched. Suddenly the unimpressed look was gone, replaced by something akin to a hurt that he was used to feeling. There was something in his eyes that made Sirius ache down in his belly, and maybe the feeling was from Remus. He knew that it was possible for soulmates to feel extremely powerful emotions between each other, but that only happened later in life once they had been together for a long time. Either way, Remus looked like he might just cry.

“Fine.”

With that, Remus turned on his heel and walked briskly down the train corridor, letting the compartment door slam shut.

None of them moved. None of them said anything.

Remus must have figured out what they were fighting about, and without truthful explanations from his friends, had drawn his own conclusions.

Remus thought they hated him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! If you found any grammar mistakes, please point them out so that I can fix them. I believe I caught most of them, but nothing is ever perfect. Leave a comment to let me know what you thought, and I will hopefully have another chapter up relatively soon! Thanks!


	3. Assuring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius talks to Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So the majority of this chapter has been written for probably... a month or so, probably more. I finally finished it today, and here we are. I hope you like this chapter!

Remus was ashamed to admit that he cried.

Or… sobbed was probably a better word. He found himself alone in another compartment that he locked himself in and shut the blinds. He curled up on the padded bench, his back resting against the wall as he brought his feet up to rest on the seat as well.

At first, Remus tried really hard not to cry. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of the inevitable. No one ever wanted to be his friend once they knew what he was, and James, Sirius, and Peter had to know. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have acted so weird.

Sirius had been shouting.

Remus cried harder realizing that he was probably angry. His soulmate was angry, mad that Remus had kept something like this from him. He was probably disgusted to know that the person he was destined to spend his life with was a dangerous beast that could (and would) kill him without a second thought (or even a first). Remus may know that wasn’t true, but Sirius didn’t.

‘Sirius doesn’t know jack shit,’ Remus thought bitterly to himself.

Well, it had been nice to have friends and a soulmate while it lasted. He knew that they would eventually find out. They shared a dorm room with him for the better part of the year, for Christ’s sake! Already it had been nearly a year and a half, and Remus was honestly surprised it took them this long to figure it out. Usually, people knew or suspected within a couple months of knowing him.

He wished they had just been upfront with him, though. Now they’ll get to school and go to dinner, but then they’ll all have to go back to the same dorm and… and then what?

Remus will certainly draw the curtains around his bed and stick them with some charm or another to keep the others out, just in case. They may have been his friends, and Sirius may be his soulmate, but he wasn’t sure they were above-

What was he thinking?!

James and Sirius and Peter wouldn’t ever hurt him!

...right?

Remus cried harder, burying his face in his arms and legs.

*

None of them said anything for just a moment, staring at the door to the compartment as it slid shut again. They could hear the sounds of other students arriving back at the station, claiming compartments and calling for their friends.

“What just… happened?” Peter asked in a quiet voice. James could hear the uncertainty there that betrayed his fear of being yelled at again. The taller boy felt a little sorry for him. He hadn’t meant to make Sirius angry, after all…

“He thinks we hate him,” Sirius said simply.

James brought his eyes over to land on his best friend. The tone of his voice was wrong in every sense of the word. Sirius wasn’t supposed to sound… helpless and empty. No… that wasn’t right. He sounded… bland. He sounded a little like he just didn’t feel anything. Like a blank sheet of paper.

James frowned at himself momentarily. He wasn’t poetic…

“Sirius-”

“We should go find him,” Peter said, braver now.

Sirius just looked over at the mousy haired boy and stared for a second before nodding like it had taken him much too long to really comprehend what Peter had said.

Peter stood up then, determination in his eyes. “Okay. I look up this way,” he pointed towards the front of the train, then pointed towards the back of the train saying, “you look that way.”

Sirius nodded, standing.

“I’ll stay here if he comes back,” James offered. Peter was the only one who looked at him, nodding with a fake half smile.

Then the two left, splitting off to the right and left.

*

Sirius figured he’d found Remus when he came across the compartment that was locked with the blinds drawn closed. Sure, it could be some older students deciding they wanted to “canoodle” (which Sirius should not know about), but either were likely options. When Remus was upset and wanted privacy, he would shut himself behind the curtains of his four poster and pretend he couldn’t hear them trying to talk to him.

So quietly, looking over both shoulders to make sure he wasn’t being watched he took out his wand and unlocked the compartment. Remus obviously hadn’t used a charm to lock the door, but the actual lock instead. The lock mechanism clicked and Sirius slid the door open just barely enough to look around the inside of the compartment. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t walking in on any sixth years doing something they shouldn’t be doing.

When the sight that greeted him was Remus curled up in the corner of the compartment seat, Sirius let himself into the compartment completely and relocked the door behind hm.

But… Remus was crying. He obviously hadn’t noticed Sirius come in, and the sounds he was making ripped Sirius’ heart straight out of his chest. He felt like a troll had just sat on his ribs, pushing all the air from his lungs and bringing stinging tears to his eyes.

“Remus?” Sirius said as quietly as he could, as if he almost didn’t want the other twelve year old to hear him.

But he did. The curly haired boy jumped nearly out of his skin, pushing himself harder against the compartment wall.

“No,” Remus groaned, still crying. “Why did you come here?”

“I-” Sirius started, but found himself being cut off.

“Why did you come to find me?” Remus hiccupped out, sobs choking him. “You’re angry! You don’t want me around, and I get that! Nobody does… You’re just the same as everyone else always has been!”

Sirius paused, a shocked expression on his face.

“Is that really what you think?” Sirius asked in disbelief.

“Why wouldn’t I?! This is the way everything’s always been! Nobody’s ever been around for this long! They always find out sometime and they want nothing to do with me! They think I’ll hurt them!” Remus sounded angry now, tears continuing to cascade down his cheeks. Sirius just stood in shock, watching his soulmate sit there and yell and cry.

“I’m a freak!” Remus nearly screamed.

Sirius wondered suddenly if there was a silencing charm on the compartment. He decided to act as if there wasn’t, just in case.

But he couldn’t stand by and listen to this anymore. He was crying, and he could feel himself shaking, as if he was cold even though the train was perfectly warm, despite the outside being early January. He stepped forward, dropping onto the seat by Remus’ feet, disregarding the way the barely taller boy shrunk back against the wall.

“Remus, Remmy, please stop,” Sirius whispered.

“Why?” Remus demanded. “So you can have your turn to tell me exactly what you think of the monster that I am?”

Sirius frowned sadly, wishing he wasn’t crying. “No-”

“Then-”

“So I can tell you that I don’t care.”

Remus paused, suddenly silent. His hiccupping and sobbing had stopped. His green eyes were rimmed in such an angry red, Sirius wasn’t sure it would go back to normal again. They were bloodshot with tears still streaming from them, down his cheeks and dripping off his chin.

“W-what?” Remus stuttered.

“I don’t care,” Sirius said again, firmly and a little slower.

“But-”

“Remus, I have known you for a year and a half. You’re one of my best friends and my soulmate. I’ve been able to see these bruises since we were four years old. Do you remember what percentage of soulmates see markings that early?” Sirius said, trying to control his own tears now, wiping them away watching Remus’ face.

It took the other boy a moment to answer. “Less than one percent…”

Sirius reached for Remus’ hand. The tawny haired boy let him take it, their hands gripping each other’s tightly. “Exactly.”

Sirius took a deep breath. “I don’t care that you’re… different.” He lowered his voice, remembering suddenly that he’d meant to be quiet anyway. He breathed in deeply again, trying hard to stay calm. His parents would kill him for what he was saying, but for the moment, he wasn’t sure he honestly cared. In a little bit, he might feel differently, freak out about how his parents will react when they inevitably find out about Remus… But right now, they weren’t important.

Nothing was going to stop him from comforting his soulmate.

“Listen, Remus…” Sirius started. “James and I have been thinking about the marks for a long time. You’re getting hurt and… that scares me. I want you to be okay…”

“Are you going to tell anyone?” Remus asked suddenly. He was quiet now too, his tears stopping in his shock at Sirius’ reaction.

Sirius shook his head. “We hadn’t even been sure. We had a theory, we tested it… and we thought we might be right. So we told Peter. And he’s Peter, so he was scared. I got mad at him and…” The preteen took another deep breath. “We don’t hate you. We’d never hate you…”

“But-”

“But nothing.” Sirius shook his head again. “You didn’t ask for this, and it’s time that you had some people in your life you love you for you…”

Remus looked a little shocked, mostly unsure what to believe. “So…”

“You’re my best mate,” Sirius assured with a soft smile. “And I love you.”

Remus smiled then too, softly and still disbelieving. But it was a smile. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please let me know what you thought and if you found any grammar mistakes. Thanks! :D


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